Christmas is coming and I ain't ready yet! - November 24, 2010

It's that time of year again, Christmas-time. And with it comes all the trappings and wrappings of the holiday season. It's an end of year festival with gift-giving and sharing as the main focus whether with time or money, it is about the gift.

This Christmas season catches me again unprepared. All the things I thought I would get done before another Christmas comes remain, undone. Yet, I'm excited and elated to be able to celebrate another one. My Christmas season started with the Toronto Santa Claus Parade which I shared with Mom, Dad and my beautiful niece, Kaelyn. Kaelyn made it so special! This was the third year we (Mom and I) took Kaelyn to the parade. The first year, she was one and a half and we missed it by 30 mins so saw the windows at The Bay instead. Last year, her Ma and Dad came and that was fun also with prego-Mel. This year, a 3 and a 1/2 year old Kaelyn took in the parade, made friends and had a good time. Never mind that Santa came late or there were big gaps and a lack of music, Kaelyn enjoyed every moment and every pause, she loved the bands and ran with all the other girls and boys between floats. Sooo much fun!

Later that night, we all hung out and got warm at Mel's place browsing through Christmas flyers as is tradition, browsing through flyers anyways. There was a piece of jewellry that caught my eye, a multi-coloured, multi-jewelled ring. Cosquell as they would say in French patois. My sister says it's a family or heritage ring, 'you should work on the family thing and then maybe get the ring'. True dat! Perhaps that is just the motivation I need to get off my duff and actively seek out a life-partner? I have thus far enjoyed a very social and active lifestyle without the commitment of a partner or companion. The promise of a steady companion, besides my cat, has not been enough to spur me on to movement in that area. Maybe now, I'll be a little bit more committed to the whole commitment thing. I jest but then I do not jest. I definitely want that ring!

I had an interesting experience with commitement of a different sort in the last two weeks. In the throes of ecstasy, it had to be the euphoria of shopping, at the National Women's Show a couple of weeks ago, I signed up for a 3-year contract with Rogers. Imagine that! I, who moved slowly from Bell to Solo Mobile to Koodo over five or six years, signed up for real! I was lured by a sleek Sony Ericsson Xperia phone in white with touch-screen functionality and the coolest games and downloads. I was in love with my new phone! I'm not that tech-savy so it was all new, fresh and over-whelming for me. It took me 7 days to realize what I had done.

After a long-period of non-commital cell-phone relationships, I ran into a long-term relationship without seriously considering the ramifications. The flexibility and variety that my lifestyle currently affords would have been drastically altered. I have dreams of living abroad in the near future, France, Europe, Barbados, the Caribbean, and being tied to this contract would have been the same strength of tie as if I had a mortgage on a house or condo, which I do not as yet. At times, I envy those home-owners and family-guys and gals with their 3-bedrooms and cars in garages, but at the same time I appreciate the freedom being single and unencumbered affords. I come and go as I please and I'm untied. Rolling stone and what not, as they say.

I must say I suffered from buyer's remorse and did what I had to get out of it. I must admit to feeling stifled and suffocated at the prospect that I would be tied up for 3 years and my dreams and plans to travel the world knotted. The nice people at Rogers (@RogersElise) helped me out and now I can breathe. The experience made me think about commitment in the modern age and why and how it fares among the options of not-committing that abound in our modern society. Why commit to a cell phone plan when Koodo, Fido, Virgin and the new ones, PublicMobile and Chatr, offer decent options without the long-term contract? What are the benefits to committing? I ask this question of myself and of you a different way: why commit to one person when you can date all kinds of nice people without the long-term contract? What are the benefits of commiting?

It's nice to know with Rogers, or Bell or Telus have your back in a contract if your phone fails or breaks or something bad happens. I know people like Mitz or Adam (@atorboy85) who have committed to a company like Rogers for what seem like eons, (Mitz has been with Rogers since the Motorolla flip handset as seen in this old commercial). They get first dibs on new phones, a reliable company and the confidence that they are building a relationship. I know because I've asked what happens if my Koodo phone falls or breaks, I've found out I am SOL. Shucks!

Suffice it to say, I am not ready for Christmas. Yes, I'm planning all kinds of social events and parties and getting in the mood for it. I at least know how I'd like to decorate or what kind of decorations I'd like to put up. But I have no list for others or myself, I still need to paint to bring in the season with a fresh, clean palette. I have not really worked on the family thing, as yet. They say the holidays tend to be depressing, especially for single people, I can only imagine. I may chose to be a single woman but I don't spend my days or nights alone. Instead of being depressed that I haven't a partner (yet) or little ones to put presents under the tree (yet), I use this gift of freedom to see my friends, host parties for them, make myself available to family as needed, and be the best Nenny Mur I can be to my nieces. Let's just say that this time, I'm getting ready. Having had a touch of the commitment thing and all the ramifications it brings, I'm at the least, looking at it more seriously. I encourage you to get your house (the proverbial house, or in Christendom, the temple that is your body) ready for Christmas and the end-of-year celebrations.

Giving thanks each day for every little thing - October 16, 2010

I'm giving thanks each and every day for each and every little thing in my life. Took a cab to a radio interview at ProudFM last Wednesday. It was a great interview with a great host, Mike Chalut, and I quite enjoyed that experience and I give thanks for that aspect of my job. I was struck more so by the cab driver who I met on my way there. He was nicely dressed in a sharp, black leather jacket and dress pants. I can only imagine his shoes were jet black and shiny. His cab was clean and very tidy. He said to me when I asked how he was doing, "I'm alive and I'm thankful."

I just meant to engage in small talk the way I always do but this time I was blessed with a sermon on giving thanks for waking up in the morning, being able to breathe, having legs to walk with and having something to occupy my time. We didn't talk about jobs, we talked about vacations as if your j-o-b is a vacation you are enjoying. And it made sense too! Why do a j-o-b if you are not enjoying it as you would your vacation. Think abou t it, we work hard year-round to spend copious amounts of dollars on another home in another country to get away from our regular home in our country of residence. Yet, we gripe and complain about the cost of living in our home and in this country. Wow, what a revelation! I'm encouraged to think about life the way this man described it to me, to go to my job each day with the same enthusiasm I appreciated New York City or Barbados.

I had all of Thanksgiving Weekend to appreciate my family and friends and the life I'm living and I did. I sent a mass text to all I care about. (I still send mass texts because you all are not following me on twitter!) And I said the words to my family and did those actions to show I'm thankful to have them in my life -- I shared with them my time, my presence and my personality. I feel like I did thanksgiving for the big picture things in my life, overall and general: good health, great work/vacation, good family and friends. But I didn't, until this man reminded me, give thanks for all those little things in life like waking up to see the sun rise, breathing in life each morning, planting my feet on the ground to enjoy another day. There was a time when I really focussed on 'stopping to smell the roses'. Somehow I have forgotten in the last few weeks or even months to appreciate all those little things. When I sing the song "I Believe" I am reminded of all the little things. Sing it for yourself and you'll agree it is a beautiful song.

I am thankful that Ma and I still get to spend time together. Even though I was recovering from a very bad cold, I still made it out in the cool night air to see Scotiabank's Nuit Blanche at the Distillery District. I wish I could have done more but physical limitations and such. Thankful that I got to see some of it with Ma. Even though I was sad my friend Barb had to return to the United States, I'm very thankful I got to know her over the last two years. I'm thankful for all the friends I have made and continue to keep close. Life may get busy, but now I'm counting on the little things like this blog, the pokes on facebook and short emails or texts to keep building my family- and friend-ships.

What are you thankful for? The past Thanksgiving weekend gives us all time to pause and contemplate this question and hopefully verbalize for ourselves those things in life (or all of it) that we are thankful for and can appreciate. I read a blog by Trey Anthony with reflections close to this topic. It was about being happy and content with a simple life or with the simple things in life.

The last thing the man in the cab left me with was something I try to do each day when I step out of my house. I think of it in these terms, "living each day as if it was your last", but he explained it thusly, "Take your clothes for instance, you should wear them and enjoy wearing them, no matter how much or how little they cost. What are you saving them for? Wear them now as they were meant for you or else what will you do when you die, pass them on?" Just like our clothes, which we should wear everyday because saving stuff like that for a rainy day that never comes is silly, so should we wear our smiles on our faces, our hearts on our sleeves and our thanks for a good life every minute of every day. I say wear your Sunday best on Saturdays because you just never know.

I had never thought - but I did, didn't I? - September 13, 2010

I had never thought I'd be parading down Eastern Parkway in a skimpy, white, bathsuit, with a sequined skirt and a giant exotic headpiece called a Carnival costume. But there I was just four days after my birthday, dancing to soca music on the street and allowing my half-naked self to be photographed by strangers and tourists. Well, I wasn't really half-naked, I felt really very comfortable in my own skin. I realized I really am beautiful and also my workouts at the gym and healthy eating are paying off! I look fabulous. I looked so fabulous that day that I took a picture on my cellphone so I could send it to a few friends and make some boyfriends jealous. I'm loving ME right now!

My present moment is exhilarating and everyday I am touched by how precious my life is. Even though I was surprised that a spontaneous moment had me playin' mas', it was on my list of things to do. So I was not really surprised that I was marching down the street to new soca music, it was just like I imagined. One day, I hope to play mas' in every Carnival in every corner of the world. It began again (after a 22 and 17 year hiatus) with Brooklyn's Carnival. I say a line in one of my poems, "Hold on to your dreams, make them come true. Live it, love it, believe it!" I think its true. I've held this dream in my heart for some time, hoping and praying (and doing something about it too!) that one day I'd be fit enough to wear that skimpy outfit and parade. And I did it!

So I say to you, hold on to your dreams and work at it. Make it come true through force of habit. There are no guarantees in life but you can make things happen if you try a little.

I don't know why, but sometimes it takes a momentous occasion or a catastrophic event for us to realize the worth of this life. I implore you to not take this life for granted. Recently, two of my friends have been touched by some calamity. My dear friend, @atorboy85, had a recent heart issue forcing him and I to consider this life. My cousin, ladydigga, faced the death of a friend, another event that causes us to consider who we are, what we are doing and what legacy we will leave behind us. I have always asked myself, well lately now that I am concious, "If I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied with my life?" My answer, most days, is yes, hellz yea! I'm happy with who I am, who I could be, and the life I will eventually leave behind.

Such that, I am happy to report that I had an excellent summer and enjoyed quality time with many friends and family. Before Brooklyn's Carnival, I enjoyed a great night with Adam and Chris at Havana Cultura and at Leslieville. (See August 27 blog) Ma and I took my baby niece Kaelyn to Buskerfest. It was joyous watching her enjoy the clowns and the acrobats, it was amazing watching life through a child's eye. My summer has been very good, and I thank God that I have lived to experience it.

Love this spanish flavour - blogging in Tdot - August 27, 2010

As I write this blog, I'm sitting in a new tea shop in my neighbourhood, Steeped and Infused. Seems like part of the gentrification process. It's a nice place, not the usual here but very welcome. I walked to work this morning and thought of that, not being the usual but welcome.

I think I have a usual life, nice place to live, good job, friends and such. It may seem humdrum but I better this bland existence with spicy and savoury things and adventures. My 9-5 may be scripted and somewhat controlled, if it is, my after-work life is just the opposite. Spicy and caliente! I long for my after-life to be my everyday but until that time, I enjoy them both the same. Sometimes, I wonder if I don't prefer my life a little bland with some seasonings to taste.

I ask you how you like yours. If you don't like how it tastes, then you should shake things up a bit with a little spice or flavour or better yet and still, try a new recipe.

Last weekend, I got up to some spicy things. I went with my best friend to Leslieville, Queen East, and tried the flavour of "The Comrade" before moving on to "Rasputin". "Comrade was a very nice lounge with comfy couches and a flavour of the Asian communist aesthetic, but cool. Rasputin was as it sounds, Russian with a punchy flavour. Certainly, the dry martinis straight up did nothing to dispel that particular taste. But we liked it and continued enjoying that flavour.

The next night we enjoyed the spicy latin flavours of Havana Cultura on Queen West, west Queen West. The taste of that neighbourhood was decidely different and though it was about Havana and I expected more latin flavour in the men there, it was not as my imaginary recipe envision. But good, nonetheless. I did get a flavour for the culture of Cuba, especially at Julie's Cuban where the mariachi man and the wonderful singer serenaded us and allowed us to join in in song while we munched on avocado mango salad and fried plantains. "Mucho a beso". Even if I didn' t understand the whole song, I got that bit. I highly recommend anyone visiting the Tdot dine at Julie's. It is a quaint and remarkable restaurant on Ossington. We finished up Havana Cultura club hopping. I must admit my age showed by the end as my two young male companions watched me sleep in the middle of the club, at least I was in a comfy chair so had some excuse.

This weekend, I'm celebrating my birthday early with friends, checking out Buskerfest at St. Lawrence Market, the LiveGreen Festival at Dundas Yonge Square and anything else that comes my way. I'll let you know how the recipe for this weekend turns out.

We are family - 2 family reunions in as many weeks - August 18, 2010

But you know, I haven't had enough of family. Last Saturday, Mom (aka Ma!) hosted a family gathering at her place. It was so well attended I didn't put enough of the seasoned chicken on the bbq and we ran out. It was so well enjoyed that no one noticed when the rum punch ran out. It was so loving that squeezing on the couch for the portraits of all the first cousins (ladies only) and the second cousins (boys and girls and teens) was considered a fun activity for a few minutes at a time.

I love that Mom has a home to host all her family. Everyone came and we overflowed from her beautiful backyard with the pond and the fishes, to the newly painted front porch with manicured lawn, to the living room with the comfy chairs and the hot kitchen filled with food. I only mention the manicured lawn as it was my hands that cured it. Beyond the catching up with cousins I haven't seen in months or years, eating food prepared by many hands and watching the newest additions to the family run around the yard, I was most enamoured of the preparation. That I could and did help my Mom with some of the preparation was more than I can be thankful for. I don't have a big house with a yard, I have and enjoy my small one-bedroom apartment, so it was my pleasure to cut the grass and then get down on hands and knees to trim the rough edges with a giant pair of lawn scissors. I appreciated working in the warm sunshine mostly because it is not my every day grind but also because I did it in anticipation of the quality family time I would enjoy later.

I took a moment while trimming the grass in my quiet solitude to ponder my reality and that of my family. I am thankful that Ma has a home to share with loved friends and family. I am thankful for my Ma and that I have her. I am thankful that whereever I go, whatever I do and whomever I'll eventually be, she and my family will always be there for me. I am thankful that I in turn will be there for them.

Before then, on the Sunday before last Saturday, Chantelle and I attended my Dad's family reunion in New Jersey overlooking the bay and Lady Liberty. Again, I was re-introduced to many cousins that I hardly remember ever meeting, met new-to-me second cousins and reconnected with cousins I knew. We gathered in the park because Grandma was there visiting from Trinidad. Before Chan and I left, there was a massive group picture. I tried real hard to be seen but I'm so damn short, I'm not sure my head is in the family portrait!! Oh well, at least I know and Chan knows I was there for real. It was a great family picnic and I'm often pleasantly surprised at how much family I have that I don't really know. There's probably a story here about how I should get to know my peeps! Sounds like a segment on Stephen Colbert's show that would probably be aptly named, "Better know a second cousin!" (Fashioned after this election themed segment, Better know a district!)

The family gathering on the Sunday before the Saturday family gathering was also an opportunity to say goodbye to my Dad (aka Pops!) as he's moving back to T&T. At least, he'll be closer to my brother who lives there. I just need to acknowledge that Pops is following his dreams to retire in the sun because the concept will be raised in a later blog.

The rest of the weekend that followed since the whirlwind of family gatherings is a similar blur but I do remember going to party with the ladies and a couple of gents at Home niteclub in the downtown Toronto club district. I recently heard on the radio that the club district has dwindled in the last few years. Used to be 300 clubs in the district, now its under 30. I shrug my shoulders. At least there are still some places for me to party. Sunday morning was hard but I woke up and walked to Harbourfront Centre for the Hot and Spicy festival. Note to self: I don't do spicy; but it was nice to join Joanne (more family) for the walkabout and sampling of spicy foods. It sure was hot cause there were some cute guys there too! (aka Hotties!). Even the flash rainstorm did nothing to cool the heat of that food fest. My tongue still feels like it is partially burned from sampling some of the finest pepper jellies, sauces and spices this side of the Serengeti.

I feel as if I continue living amazing experiences, or said differently, experiencing amazing living and I am blessed. The song that played in the club that Saturday night sums up my feelings for the past two weeks and that's why I feel the need to share.

"I am blessed, I am blessed, everyday of my life I am blessed.
When I wake up in the morning and I lay my head to rest,
Everyday of my life I am blessed." - Mr. Vegas, 2009

So I say to you, you are blessed. Be thankful, be grateful, be everpresent in your life. One day may come when you can really appreciate all that you are and all that you have but if you're not there just yet, simply be gracious for life and the chance to live. Today, be grateful for the friends and family you have around you. I am. Amen.

I finally have a crew! Loving the life lived with friends - Caribana - Aug 7, 2010

Yes, indeed, I finally have a "crew". Let it be said that 'you reap what you sow' or 'you plant a seed of knowldge and watch it blossom into a tree' or 'watch what you say or wish for because you might get it'. Two years ago, I wished for a crew and I said to the crew I hang out with for Brooklyn's Carnival, that I would have a crew and that their crew could hang out with my crew one day.

Then it happened. I got all my girlfriends together to celebrate Toronto's Caribana at "Glow" and before I noticed, there were eight of us women going out together to have a good time. Eight! A real crew! Wow, it was awesome. We had so much fun at the pre-party, the club, there was no need for an after-party! It's not that I don't have friends to hang out with but at a certain age you end up hanging out with one friend at a time, thereby giving each friend 'quality' time. Some of your friends serve different purposes in your life: confidante, helper, foodie, movie-goer, counsellor, listener, talker, etc.

Dis crew was for the party and strictly for enjoying life. We, well, I for sure did, put away the everyday, regular things in life and let loose to have fun. We were not those bankers, communicators, writers, teachers, professionals by day because it was night and we were women, girls, ladies out to have a great time with each other. Fabulous! We had fun at the club, it was great, they played non-stop soca music and we saw Machel Montano (http://www.machelmontanohd.com/) perform live!! We did more, we hung out at the Caribana Parade, I hung out with family, we partied some more. We rested. It was good.

Back in 1997, my crew was three of us, a small, tight crew of a sister and a friend. Back then, we saw Machel as Xstatic! at the Westin Harbourfront Hotel and it was still awesome! A verifiably magnificant experience. Now, the sister has a husband and babies, my friend and I are out of touch, yet things haven't changed for me. They have and they haven't. (Dat's another story!)

One thing I've noticed, even among my new crew, is that life experiences may try to change us, morph us and derail us but at our core we are who we are. If you are a fun-loving, attention-seeking, adventure-thriving kind of person like myslf, no job situation, relationship breakup, loss or grief is going to drown you. You will probably tumble a bit amid the waves of change but you will eventually find your feet and stand firmly in your own understanding of self. So whoever you are contemporary, renaissance man or woman, thrill-seeker, lover of life, a person of calmness and serenity or a person of calamity and chaos, you are who you are. I won't try to change you and I don't think anyone else should. You are who you are and you will be the best you can be when you learn to accept and understand that.

I've realized I am now more me than I have ever been. I could probably be more myself in a future life, but for now, right now, I am exactly myself with all my perfections and imperfections, motivations and aspirations, abmitions and conditions. I'm not even trying, I am just being. I've learned that I am not my situation, as my Dad would say, "it is what it is". Exactly right, "it is what it is", but I am who I am.

On savouring life - one morsel, one sip at a time - July 23, 2010

Honestly, how much time do I think I can cram into a 24-hour day? I've been living life full-speed with the throttle at max for several years now. I'm also a doer, so I've been getting a hell of a lot done with those hours between sleep and wake. But when it is all said and done, how do I measure my life in hours?

I am now thinking about how I'm living when I talk about my life goals and dreams with friends. Just last night, I was talking with my friend Barb over a few glasses of red wine about my insatiable appetite to do 'things'. Things which may be described as career aspirations, travel, lifestyle, tasks, challenges and much, much more. We discussed those insipid lists and those 'to-dos' that make us feel like 'to-don'ts' sometimes.

I've come to realize that life, my life, is not measured by how much I do, but by how I do it, the quality of my things, rather than the quantity. As an example, while Barb took bites of a small cupcake for dessert--those fluffy, white-cake cupcakes with sprinkles and the sweetest, lightest icing ever--I, as a demonstration of my skill, popped the whole thing into my mouth. I could, so I did, but I had to stop myself from swallowing it whole to taste it!

Last weekend, a similar concept but markedly different subject. We move from cupcakes to car-races. With free tickets courtesy of my brother-in-law, Ma and friends and I spent time at the Honda Indy and watched some races; took in Salsa on St. Clair and then drinks at a patio overlooking Dundas Square at night. Wow! All that in one day. That was Saturday. On Sunday, Ma, Adam (@atorboy85 on twitter), I and friends, returned to the Honda Indy, took in Brazilfest at Harbourfront and finished with an Indian meal at the India Festival on Gerrard Street East. Whew!

There were moments when I stopped to think about what I was doing. In between cars racing around the track, I stopped to notice that I was spending time with the people I most loved in the world. Precious. And in between events, and on the streetcar, I took a moment to appreciate the company I was in. When the view caught me breath, I appreciated the beautiful city I live in and how I take in all it has to offer. I was able to say to myself if no one else, "Ah, this is my life and I'm living it." I feel I appreciate life when I enjoy exactly where I am, what I'm doing and who I'm with.

Despite the lists I still make to ensure my time is occupied, I find moments within moments to take a mental and emotional assessment of my life, just to make sure I'm not doing for the sake of doing but I'm enjoying what I'm doing and taking pleasure in the big and the small things.

Live on! and fit as many or as few quality things as you'd like to into your hours.

On why its called an Occassional blog - July 9, 2010

I've been meaning to post this blog, this particular blog for 2 weeks now. It's not that I'm procrastinating, I'm actually getting a lot done. It's that this is the nature of my life right now and the nature of this blog.

I like blogging and mass emailing you, my people, and sending mass texts and tweeting. I like filling you in on what's going on in my life, but most of the time, I'm busy living this life and sometimes I don't find time to write/blog/post/text/tweet about it! Let that be a lesson to you. Go out and start living!

I'm sure you miss my blogs but that alone is not reason enough for me to stop living. I pause for a moment and tweet cause its easy. I'll eventually figure out blogging on mobile. So until then, I'm learning to write short and sweet and keep it free and easy. Who knows when next you'll hear from me, so I blog as it comes naturally. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. You can expect I'll blog occassionally.

What's next? My quartet, Sweet Rhapsody (www.myspace.com/sweetrhapsody) is performing the US and Canadian national anthems at the Roger's Centre before the Blue Jays vs Red Sox game at 1pm, July 10, 2010. I'm so excited I had to tell you about it in a short blog. Next time I'll fill you in on all the exciting happenings in my life.

This week was recording studio and laying down some tracks.
Week before was Canada Day, Toronto Jazz Festival and Pride Toronto.
Week before that was Barbados trip and recovering from an amazing vacation.
There's more but I'll post about it.